how sweet it is to be loved by you

I don’t even know how to gracefully organize my thoughts and emotions about the upcoming Olympics, but here goes.  I watched an interview with Michael Phelps that sparked this post, but my thoughts still seem all over.  A few weeks ago, the USA Swimming Olympic Trials were held in Omaha, Nebraska.  It was so fun to keep up with it because I had many friends who were competing.  A few actually have the amazing opportunity to go to London for the 2012 Games!  As a former swimmer, I understand the amount of work, time, sacrifice, and tears that go into making that dream a reality.  But for the first time, these trials had a bit of a sting.  This year, those were my peers and past teammates.

For the past almost 4 years now, I had the luxury of stuffing down that dream I once had.  I will never forget breaking 2 state records my senior year in the Auburn pool as my future coaches and teammates watched.  Being given the metal on the podium by Richard Quick who told me we would make each other famous one day was the encouragement that kept me going most days.  Those dreams of making it to Omaha were so real once, and the games this year have brought it back.  I have reacted to it in a way I didn’t exactly foresee.  I had forgotten how badly I wanted to be an Olympian.  How badly I worked for that to become a reality.  Gosh.  That feeling of satisfaction that comes only when you step up on the block and know you are about to kick some serious tail because you worked for the right to do it.  And that moment when you finish, and see that time up on the board that no judge can take away or change.  The smile stretched across your coaches face that mirrors yours in the water.

I remember when the doctors told me my swimming career was over.  My back could not continue to go under the strains of a Division 1 swim program.  I sat on the therapy table, my body iced down.  But nothing could have compared to how cold and numb my heart went that moment.  I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I was left confused and very bitter.  Why had the Lord dangled all of these wonderful pleasures in my face, fame, scholarship, and championships all to be taken away just like that.  For 9 years I had devoted most of my life and time to this sport.  I had sacrificed friends, football games, birthday parties, and beach trips.  My family had sacrificed vacations and sleeping in most mornings to take me to 5:00 am practice.  Now it was just over?

I have never written about this moment before now, but it seems appropriate.  The Lord has a funny way of working things.  He is THE Master, Creator, and All Knowing.  What I have never realized before now, was that the Lord was not taking swimming away from me.  If I really wanted to, I could get in a pool anywhere and swim…if it was the sport I truly loved.  What He took away was something much more lethal and much more deadly than a back injury could ever hope to be.  What my God did fall of my freshman year was strip away my idol of fame and identity in MY accomplishments.  I had made swimming some kind of sick drug that I used to fix my addiction to attention.  I loved being that “swimmer girl”…and more importantly I loved people knowing that about me. 

The upcoming Olympics have brought that monster of a girl out once again.  Seeing my friends make it to the games filled me with excitement, yes, but it also ate me up with jealously.  That should be me.  I thought.  I could have done that.  I trained with you.  I was jealous of the attention they were getting.  And it suddenly dawned on me… that is why it stung so badly.  I didn’t miss the sport, I just missed the fame.  Suddenly, I became ashamed.  

Our God is a jealous God and He goes to great lengths to fight for us.  Many, many times I have gone over in my head things the Lord was trying to teach me in that season on life my freshman year.  It has taught me many things like the value of friendship, the sweetness found in the smallest moments, my humanity and incompetence, the fact that we are not the ones in control (shocker), and when we let go to do nothing but let the Lord lead, the ride is so much sweeter.  But here I am, 4 years later and the Lord is still showing me His goodness.  He has humbled me so many ways in college but this one may take the cake. 

Daniel 4:37- “Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the Kind of heaven, for all His works are just; and those who walk in pride… He is able to humble.”

Those words sound so sweet to me now.  I see that.  All His works are just…and He is able to humble.  I am glad I serve a God who fights so hard for my heart.  No matter where my life takes me, I am not my own.  I am seeing more and more every day the tangible picture of how even before I was born He was fighting for me.  He humbled Himself by becoming man and taking the cross…therefore I am bought with a price.  Praise God my life is not my own!  1 Peter 5:5-6 tells of His mercies, “…God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him because he cares for you.”           

If we don’t, He will. 

I can’t imagine what I would be like if I were still in that life.  Quitting swimming has led me to girls who have showed me the joy of my salvation.  I never would have joined a sorority where I met the girls who involved me with Young Life.  If I had swam, and not had time to do campus ministries, my heart would not have found its passion and changed majors.  If I had stayed in Hotel and Restaurant Management, I would not be about to move to Philadelphia and start a masters program for counseling.  I’m sure the list will continue from there.  This is just the beginning.  How sweet it is to be loved by You, Jesus.