I don’t even know how to gracefully organize my thoughts and
emotions about the upcoming Olympics, but here goes.
I watched an interview with Michael Phelps that sparked this post, but
my thoughts still seem all over. A
few weeks ago, the USA Swimming Olympic Trials were held in Omaha,
Nebraska. It was so fun to keep up
with it because I had many friends who were competing. A few actually have the amazing
opportunity to go to London for the 2012 Games! As a former swimmer, I understand the amount of work, time,
sacrifice, and tears that go into making that dream a reality. But for the first time, these trials
had a bit of a sting. This year, those were
my peers and past teammates.
For the past almost 4 years now, I had the luxury of
stuffing down that dream I once had.
I will never forget breaking 2 state records my senior year in the
Auburn pool as my future coaches and teammates watched. Being given the metal on the podium by
Richard Quick who told me we would make each other famous one day was the
encouragement that kept me going most days. Those dreams of making it to Omaha were so real once, and
the games this year have brought it back.
I have reacted to it in a way I didn’t exactly foresee. I had forgotten how badly I wanted to
be an Olympian. How badly I worked for that to become a reality. Gosh. That feeling of satisfaction that comes only when you step
up on the block and know you are about to kick some serious tail because you
worked for the right to do it. And
that moment when you finish, and see that time up on the board that no judge
can take away or change. The smile
stretched across your coaches face that mirrors yours in the water.
I remember when the doctors told me my swimming career was
over. My back could not continue
to go under the strains of a Division 1 swim program. I sat on the therapy table, my body iced down. But nothing could have compared to how
cold and numb my heart went that moment.
I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I was left
confused and very bitter. Why had
the Lord dangled all of these wonderful pleasures in my face, fame,
scholarship, and championships all to be taken away just like that. For 9 years I had devoted most of my
life and time to this sport. I had
sacrificed friends, football games, birthday parties, and beach trips. My family had sacrificed vacations and
sleeping in most mornings to take me to 5:00 am practice. Now it was just over?
I have never written about this moment before now, but it
seems appropriate. The Lord has a
funny way of working things. He is
THE Master, Creator, and All Knowing. What I have never realized before now,
was that the Lord was not taking swimming away from me. If I really wanted to, I could get in a
pool anywhere and swim…if it was the sport I truly loved. What He
took away was something much more lethal and much more deadly than a back
injury could ever hope to be. What
my God did fall of my freshman year was strip away my idol of fame and identity
in MY accomplishments. I had made
swimming some kind of sick drug that I used to fix my addiction to
attention. I loved being that
“swimmer girl”…and more importantly I loved people knowing that about me.
The upcoming Olympics have brought that monster of a girl
out once again. Seeing my friends
make it to the games filled me with excitement, yes, but it also ate me up with
jealously. That should be
me. I thought. I
could have done that. I trained
with you. I was jealous of the attention they were getting. And it suddenly dawned on me… that is
why it stung so badly. I didn’t
miss the sport, I just missed the fame.
Suddenly, I became ashamed.
Our God is a jealous God and He goes to great lengths to
fight for us. Many, many times I
have gone over in my head things the Lord was trying to teach me in that season
on life my freshman year. It has
taught me many things like the value of friendship, the sweetness found in the
smallest moments, my humanity and incompetence, the fact that we are not the
ones in control (shocker), and when we let go to do nothing but let the Lord
lead, the ride is so much sweeter.
But here I am, 4 years later and the Lord is still showing me His
goodness. He has humbled me so
many ways in college but this one may take the cake.
Daniel 4:37- “Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and
honor the Kind of heaven, for all His works are just; and those who walk in
pride… He is able to humble.”
Those words sound so sweet to me now. I see that. All His works are just…and He is able to humble. I am glad I serve a God who fights so
hard for my heart. No matter where
my life takes me, I am not my own.
I am seeing more and more every day the tangible picture of how even
before I was born He was fighting for me.
He humbled Himself by becoming man and taking the cross…therefore I am
bought with a price. Praise God my
life is not my own! 1 Peter 5:5-6
tells of His mercies, “…God opposes the proud but gives grace to the
humble. Humble yourselves,
therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt
you, casting all your anxieties on Him because he cares for you.”
If we don’t,
He will.
I can’t imagine what I would be like if I were still in that
life. Quitting swimming has led me
to girls who have showed me the joy of my salvation. I never would have joined a sorority where I met the girls
who involved me with Young Life.
If I had swam, and not had time to do campus ministries, my heart would
not have found its passion and changed majors. If I had stayed in Hotel and Restaurant Management, I would
not be about to move to Philadelphia and start a masters program for
counseling. I’m sure the list will
continue from there. This is just
the beginning. How sweet it is to
be loved by You, Jesus.
